GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO
THE 2017 MEOW-MIX AWARDS CAT-STRAVAGANZA
HONORING THE BEST OF THE BEST IN 20 CATEGORIES COMING TO
YOU FROM THE RED ROCKS AMPHITHEATER IN COLORFUL COLORADO
WHERE THE 'PRESENTERS THEME' THIS YEAR WILL BE: *TV MEMORIES*
PLEASE WELCOME OUR MASTER OF CEREMONIES....
~~ LIEUTENANT COLUMBO ~~
WHOSE WELL KNOWN CATCH PHRASE OF -- ''O, JUST ONE MORE THING'' ~
WILL SURELY RESONATE THROUGHOUT THE EVENING!
''THANK YOU, AND JUST TO BE CONSIDERATE OF EVERYONE,
I HAVE EXTINGUISHED MY CIGAR FOR THIS EVENING,
BUT OUT OF FORCE OF HABIT OVER WAY TOO MANY YEARS....
I SHALL STILL BE HOLDING IT!"
~~AND NOW .... ON WITH THE SHOW~~
PLEASE TURN YOUR ATTENTION TO THE HOT PINK CARPET
WHERE WE NOW WELCOME THE SHINING STARS OF 2017
LEADING THEM OUT ~ OUR CO-REIGNING HORSES OF THE YEAR:
*** STARK -&- RUFFIAN ***
STARK ~
2016: SS CHAMP ~ CAIXA ELETRONICA ~ RISEN STAR ~
2 FROSTED WHISKERS ~ DISTORTED HUMOR ~ CRAFTY PROSPECTOR ~
COLT OF THE YEAR ~ RACE OF THE YEAR
RUFFIAN ~
2016: MM CHAMP ~ BOTS CHAMP ~ FILLY OF THE YEAR
RUNNER UP: CAIXA ELETRONICA + CRAFTY PROSPECTOR + BRIDESMAID
REAL QUIET ~
2015 - HOTY
CATALINA ~
2016 BRIDESMAID, 2015 SS CHAMP ~ 2014 CO-HOTY
RECORD HOLDER: CAIXA ELETRONICA $293.00
DUSTY ~
2016 SS RUNNER-UP ~ #3 CRAFTY PROSPECTOR ~ FROSTED WHISKER ~
2010 - HOTY
TIGER DANCER ~
2016 DISTORTED HUMOR x 4 ~ CAT HOUSE KEY ~ 2nd MM ~
CIGARSHOP ~
LOST IN THE FOG WINNER ~ FROSTED WHISKER ~
POST TIME MIKE ~
2015 CAIXA ELETRONICA ~ FROSTED WHISKER ~
BLUNNY ~
2016 ''THE PRECIOUS'' -(Repeat Winner) ~ 2015 RISEN STAR ~
AWESOME AGAIN AWARD ~ RUNNER-UP BRIDESMAID 2016
PEEPTOAD
RAVEN
THUNDER CAT
CRUZAN
OAKLAWN CAPPER --(Retired To Breeding Shed)
EL PRADO --(R & R ~ May Return To The Track)
CRIMINAL TYPE -&- JOHN HENRY
BOTH RAN -&- WON A FEW RACES BEFORE DEPARTING THIS REALM
''BEFORE WE BEGIN WITH THE AWARDS WE HAVE A SPECIAL EVENT
WE HAVE 2 FORMER CHAMPIONS, WHO LEFT US LAST YEAR
CROSSING THE RAINBOW BRIDGE TO GREENER PASTURES BEYOND
THEY NOW WILL BE INDUCTED INTO --> *THE MEOW-MIX HALL OF FAME*
TO PRESENT THIS HONOR, PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO
DR WHO AND HIS FAITHFUL COMPANION ---> K-9''
''THANK YOU, INSPECTOR ....
AS YOU KNOW, I TRAVEL THRU TIME -&- SPACE ...
I WANTED YOU ALL TO FEEL JOY ~ NOT SORROW,
AS I HAVE SEEN OUR TWO DEPARTED COLTS RUNNING
THRU THE MEADOWS IN ANOTHER TIME ZONE DIMENSION
*CRIMINAL TYPE* ~HORSE OF THE YEAR -&- KEY HOLDER OF DOGHOUSE~
ALWAYS READY TO OFFER HIS OWN VERSION OF DISTORTED HUMOR
*JOHN HENRY* ~MULTIPLE AWARD WINNER -&- A TRUE GENTLEMAN
RESPECTFUL OF ALL, WIN OR LOSE ~ ALWAYS A KIND WORD
THEY BOTH ARE GREATLY MISSED ~ LEAVING US WAY TOO SOON!''
*************************************
"TO PRESENT OUR FIRST AWARD OF THE EVENING, DISTORTED HUMOR
PLEASE WELCOME ~SHELDON COOPER~ FROM THE BIG-BANG-THEORY
WHERE HIS BRAND OF 'HUMOR' IS BEYOND JUST DISTORTED!"
''THANK YOU KIND SIR ...
DISTORTED HUMOR IS AN AMBIGUOUS TERM THAT IS IN THE MIND
OF THE BEHOLDER ~ SOME HUMANS FIND THE SILLIEST THINGS
TO BE WORTHY OF LAUGHTER ~ BUT, TO EACH THEIR OWN, EH!
THIS YEAR, ONCE AGAIN FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME:
~TIGER DANCER~ IS GUILTY OF DISTORTED HUMOR -&- TWISTED WIT
WE HAVE LOST TRACK OF HOW MANY TIMES SHE WINS THIS
BUT ----> EASILY DESERVED!
HONORABLE MENTIONS TO:
~RUFFIAN~ ---> WHO, WEEK AFTER WEEK,
OFFERS HER OWN 'BRAND' OF DISTORTED HUMOR IN HER RACE CALLS
ALSO A SHOUT OUT TO ~SIR ''STARK THE SHARK''~
WHO OFFERED SOME VERY AMUSING -&- ENTERTAINING COMMENTARIES
HE HAS BEEN M.I.A FOR SOME TIME, MUCH TO THE DISAPPOINTMENT
OF HIS MANY FANS WHO HAVE HIGH HOPES TO SEE HIS RETURN! ''
"THANK YOU, SHELDON
OUR NEXT AWARD IS CALLED: ''LOST IN THE FOG''
IT USUALLY GOES TO THE LOWEST $$ WINNING RACE
SOME TIMES IT GOES TO A HORSE WHO ARRIVES AT THE WRONG TRACK!
TO PRESENT THIS TROPHY, PLEASE WELCOME ~MR SHERLOCK HOLMES~
WHO HAS NO PROBLEM AT ALL FINDING WHAT IS 'LOST' IN THE FOG''
''THANK YOU, INSPECTOR ...
I DID NOT HAVE TO LOOK VERY FAR TO DISCOVER THE RECIPIENT
OF THIS YEAR'S 'LOST IN THE FOG' TROPHY ....
IT WAS REALLY RATHER VERY ELEMENTARY
THIS YEAR'S RECIPIENT OF THE LOST IN THE FOG AWARD IS....
~STARK-THE-SHARK~ WHO MANAGED TO WIN A RACE WITH $37.60
WHICH MAY BE AN ALL TIME 'LOW' IN THE HISTORY OF THE AWARD!
HONORABLE MENTION TO ~REAL QUIET~ WHO WOUND UP AT
THE WRONG TRACK IN WHICH HE WAS ENTERED TO RUN!''
THE GOLDEN RING IS THE 'REWARD' FOR FINISHING 4th
MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE, PER THE 'ORDER' OF:
BRIDE, BRIDESMAID, FLOWER-BEARER AND RING-BEARER
aka = THE 1 RING TO RULE THEM ALL!
COMING ALL THE WAY FROM THE SHIRE,
UNDER THE CLOAK OF DARKNESS IS ~GOLLUM~
WHO ACCORDING TO GANDALF THE GRAY,
SUDDENLY HAD A 'CHANGE OF HEART' ABOUT 'HIS PRECIOUS'
IT IS RUMORED THAT SINCE THIS IS THE 3rd YEAR FOR THIS WINNER,
GOLLUM HAD A ROUND OF REMORSE, A BREAK FROM POSSESSIVENESS
AND DECIDED TO DO A 180 TURNABOUT TO PRESENT THIS AWARD!
.......
MAY WE PLEASE DIM THE LIGHTS -&- REFRAIN FROM APPLAUSE OR
NOISE OF ANY KIND, SO WE DO NOT FRIGHTEN GOLLUM AS HE MAKES
HIS WAY SLOWLY TO THE STAGE ... HE IS NOT ACCUSTOMED TO THIS
TYPE OF ATMOSPHERE OR HUMANS IN SUCH GREAT NUMBERS''
A HUSH FALLS OVER THE CROWD ... HEADS TURN TOWARDS THE AISLE
WHERE GOLLUM VERY CAUTIOUSLY IS CREEPING TOWARDS THE STAGE....
''MY PRECIOUS ~ MY PRECIOUS ~ I MUST HAVE MY PRECIOUS
OH MY ~ I'VE HAD A SUDDEN RELAPSE ... FORGIVE THIS PITIFUL ONE
TOO MANY YEARS OF SELFISH POSSESSIVENESS
ARE HARD TO OVERCOME -- BUT SINCE I MADE A VOW TO GANDALF,
I MUST FULFILL MY PROMISE AND PRESENT 'MY PRECIOUS'
TO ONE WHO, FOR THE 3rd YEAR IN A ROW
HAS BEEN DEEMED WORTHY ENOUGH TO HAVE IT!
AS YOU PROBABLY ALREADY HAVE GUESSED:
~BLUNNY 'THE ENERGIZER BUNNY'~
WHO MAY NOT HAVE FINISHED 1st MORE THAN OTHERS....
BUT HAS AN UNCANNY KNACK OF STEALING THE PRECIOUS --> 18 TIMES!!
~~~~~ HONORABLE MENTION: ~CIGARSHOP~ WITH 13...''
SLOWLY THE LIGHTS ARE BEING BRIGHTENED SO AS TO NOT
FRIGHTEN GOLLUM LEAVING THE STAGE ... APPEARING VERY
DEPRESSED AT HAVING HIS HANDS ON 'THE PRECIOUS' ...
ONLY TO GIVE IT AWAY TO ANOTHER!
''AS WE ALL KNOW FROM PAST EXPERIENCE
BLUNNY WILL HAVE TO BE VERY DILIGENT WITH WHEREVER HE
PLACES 'THE PRECIOUS' ... BECAUSE IN SPITE OF HIS GOOD INTENTIONS
WE KNOW HOW GOLLUM IS ABOUT THAT GOLDEN RING!''
WE NOW COME TO THE NEXT AWARD THAT SOME CONSIDER TO BE
'A DUBIOUS HONOR' AS IN ORDER TO WIN IT,
ONE MUST FINISH LAST MORE THAN ANY OTHER!
THE FILLYS LAND IN THE CAT HOUSE ~ THE COLTS TO THE DOG HOUSE
TO PRESENT THE CAT HOUSE KEY AWARD
PLEASE WELCOME ~SPEEDY-GONZALEZ~
YES FOLKS, IT IS A MOUSE IN THE CAT HOUSE BUT AS WE KNOW
HE IS FASTER THAN MOST OF THOSE LAZY PUSSYCATS JUST NAPPING''
''SI SI SENOR COLUMBO ... I AM VERRRRY VERRRRY FAST
THEY DON'T CALL ME 'SPEEDY' CAUSE I'M SLOW!
HONORABLE MENTION GOES TO ~TIGER DANCER~ WITH 21 KEYS
BUT THE SUPURRR FAST CHEETAH ~RUFFIAN~ TOOK THE MASTER KEY
WITH ---> 23 TENACIOUS TRIPS TO THE COLOSSAL CAT HOUSE!
UH OH .... HERE SHE COMES AT LIGHTNING SPEED
SO THIS MIGHTY MOUSE IS OUTTA HERE!
AYE CARUMBA! EEEEEEEEEEEK!
''AS THE SPEEDY GONZALEZ DASHES OFF TO SAFETY....
WE NOW TURN OUR ATTENTION TO THE NEXT AWARD
PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME WITH A WONDROUS 'WOOF'
TO A CHARISMATIC CANINE.... ~SCOOBY DOO~''
''WOOF WOOF WOOF! THANKS FOR NO FIRE IN THAT CIGAR, SIR
OR YOU MIGHT BE HEARING: COUGH COUGH NOT WOOF-WOOF!
EQUALLY QUESTIONABLE LIKE THE 'CAT HOUSE'
WONDERING --- 'IS IT AN 'HONOR' OR...?'
THE 'DOG HOUSE' IS REALLY NOT AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS!
IT IS OUTFITTED WITH ALL THE 'CREATURE COMFORTS' THAT
ANY COLT WOULD ENJOY ---> BEER, BOOZE -& -BABES!
THIS YEAR THE FILLY'S CAT HOUSE ENTERTAINED WAY MORE
OCCUPANTS THAN THE DOG HOUSE (*23 CAT HOUSE -vs- 6 DOG HOUSE)
WONDER WHY THAT IS?
WITHOUT CRIMINAL TYPE IN THE GATE THIS YEAR....
IT LEFT THE DOG HOUSE DOOR WIDE OPEN FOR ALL!
TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THAT IS ~CIGARSHOP~ WITH 6 KEYS
WHO TAKES HOME THIS AWARD AND A CASE OF SCOOBY SNACKS''
RUNNER UP: ~POST-TIME-MIKE~ WITH 5 KEYS
THERE THEY GO ~ HOOF -&- PAW TROTTING UP THE AISLE
... AND I AM OFF TO GO DIG UP A BONE!''
''AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ...
THE 'GOLDEN GOOSE EGG' AWARD IS FOR RUNNING A RACE
AND RETURNING TO THE BARN WITH ZERO $$$
NOT AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS THO!
HERE TO PRESENT THE GOLDEN GOOSE EGG AWARD:
PLEASE WELCOME SUPER IRON CHEF ~BOBBY FLAY~
WHO HAS PROMISED TO NOT TURN THE GOLDEN GOOSE EGG
INTO A FANCY EXPENSIVE OMELETTE! ''
''THANK YOU, INSPECTOR, AND YES I DID PROMISE THAT
THO, IT MAY BE DIFFICULT TO COMPLY ... I AM A MAN OF HONOR!
THIS YEAR 3 BANKRUPT FILLYS FEATHERED THEIR NESTS
WITH 1 GOLDEN GOOSE EGG: ~CATALINA~
WITH 2 GOLDEN GOOSE EGGS: ~RUFFIAN~
BUT WITH 3 GLORIOUS GOLDEN GOOSE EGGS: ~TIGER DANCER~''
"THANK YOU, BOBBY ....
NOT BEING ABLE TO USE THE GOLDEN GOOSE EGG IN AN OMELETTE ...
BOBBY FLAY HAS OFFERED TO SUPPLY VERY ELABORATE FEATHERS
FOR TIGER DANCER'S FANCY NEST!
HERE TO PRESENT OUR NEXT AWARD: 'BRIDESMAID OF THE YEAR'
WHICH AS IT SUGGESTS, FINISHING AS RUNNER-UP THE MOST TIMES
PLEASE GIVE A ROUSING ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO THE ONE + ONLY
~RUPAUL~ WHO SURELY KNOWS SOMETHING ABOUT FANCY DRESSES!"
''O THANK YOU LUSCIOUS LIEUTENANT AND GRACIOUS GREETINGS Y'ALL!
BEING A RUNNER UP SO OFTEN CAN DO WONDERS TO AFFECT
ONE'S 'EGO' AND SELF ESTEEM .... WONDERING WHY
IT WASN'T ENOUGH TO HIT THE WIRE FIRST?
YET, TO HELP EASE THAT ANGST, IS THE FACT
THAT IN ALL THOSE RACES RUNNING 2nd~
CONSIDER HOW MANY WERE RUNNING
BEHIND 2nd AT THE WIRE!
AND SPEAKING OF BEING A 'RUNNER-UP'
TAKING 2nd PLACE FOR BRIDESMAID OF THE YEAR: ~RUFFIAN~ (11 GOWNS)
BUT THE RUNAWAY WINNER -- WITH 22 BRIDESMAID GOWNS: ~BLUNNY~
NOW THAT IS GONNA REQUIRE A LARGER CLOSET FOR SURE!"
''THANK YOU, RUPAUL FOR THAT DELIGHTFUL PRESENTATION
... OH YEH, JUST ONE MORE THING ...
RUPAUL HAS OFFERED TO CONSULT WITH BLUNNY ON IDEAS
FOR A NEW ELABORATE GLORIOUS GOWN CLOSET!
OUR NEXT AWARD SHOULD BE 'SUB-TITLED' -- 'FRUSTRATION FIASCO'
BECAUSE IT IS GIVEN TO ALL WHO RUN FOR THE ELUSIVE 3-PEAT
BUT FAIL TO GAIN THE GLORY
HERE TO PRESENT THE 'FROSTED WHISKER' TROPHY IS:
~TONY THE TIGER~ ALONG WITH A BOX OF HIS FAMOUS FROSTED FLAKES!
{WE CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER IF HE 'MISUNDERSTOOD' THE TERM
FROSTED WHISKER BEING RELATED TO FROSTED FLAKES?}''
''MEOW MEOW MEOW SIR COLUMBO
I BROUGHT MY FROSTED FLAKES TO SWEETEN THE SORROW OF
THE 'ALMOST-DID-IT' FEELING OF 'NO-3-PEAT-FOR-ME' DOWNER!
WE HAD 5 WHO WERE DISAPPOINTED ONCE:
RUFFIAN ~ CIGARSHOP ~ REAL QUIET ~ CATALINA ~ THUNDER CAT
BUT EVEN GETTING THE 1st TWO LEGS OF THE 3-PEAT, IS STILL
A GRRRR--RR--REAT ACCOMPLISHMENT TO BE PROUD OF DOING!
THIS YEAR'S FROSTED WHISKER TROPHY GOES TO ~BLUNNY~
WITH HAVING TRIED TWICE .... YET FAILED ---> TWICE!!
~A NICE TROPHY TO DISPLAY -AND-
YOU CAN DRINK YOUR SORROWS AWAY~
ONCE IS TUFF ENUFF.... BUT TWICE??
NEED A BIG HEAD OF LUSCIOUS LETTUCE
FOR THIS COLT AND ... I ALSO BROUGHT
A CASE OF FROSTED FLAKES JUST FOR HIM!"
''THANK YOU, TONY ...
FOR YOUR THOUGHTFULNESS -&- GENEROSITY!
WE NOW MOVE ON TO THE MORE IMPRESSIVE
AND DIFFICULT TO ACHIEVE AWARDS
ALL OF WHICH HAVE RESULTED IN MANY EXTREMELY
CLOSE CONTESTS INCLUDING DEAD HEATS!
THIS YEAR MORE THAN ANY OTHER SEEMED TO BE MORE
CLOSELY CONTESTED THAN IN RECENT MEMORY
OUR NEXT AWARD TURNS FROM DISAPPOINTMENT TO GLEE!
BUT 1st .....
A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR THE DEARLY DEPARTED: CAIXA ELETRONICA
WHO SUFFERED A FATAL INJURY WHILE IN TRAINING ON THE TRACK
THIS AWARD CELEBRATES HIS AWESOME ACCOMPLISHMENTS
THIS AWARD IS GIVEN IN HONOR OF THE MOST MONEY EARNED IN A DAY
PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO MR BOB BARKER
FROM THE 'PRICE IS RIGHT' GAME SHOW''
''THANK YOU, INSPECTOR ~
THE RUNNER UP FOR THIS PRESTIGIOUS AWARD: ~RUFFIAN~ --->{$163}
THE GRAND WINNER WITH $225 FOR ONE DAY'S EFFORT:
~CATALINA~ .... COME ON DOWN!!
THIS FINE FILLY SURE HAD THE 'RIGHT PRICE' THIS YEAR!"
''OUR NEXT AWARD IS: B.O.T.S = BATTLE OF THE SEXES
FILLYS -VS- COLTS
HERE TO PRESENT THIS AWARD .... PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME
TO ~ARCHIE -&- EDITH BUNKER~ WHO SURELY HAVE HAD
THEIR SHARE OF ''FILLY - COLT BATTLES!''
''YOOO-HOOOO, MR. POLICEMAN DETECTIVE SIR!
.... COME ON EDITH, YOUR HOLDIN UP DA SHOW!
WE WAS GONNA BRING THE 'MEATHEAD' ALONG
BUT HE AIN'T INTO IT
SO NOW WE HAVE AN AWARD THAT DECIDES GENDER SUPERIORITY?
WELL, BACK IN MY DAY -- WE ALL KNEW THAT MEN WERE BETTER
BUT THEN, THAT AIN'T HORSES ....... STIFLE YOURSELF, EDITH!
THE RUNNER-UP -- WITH 3 WINS IS ---> ~BLUNNY~
NOW I SEE IN THIS HERE ENVELOPE
THAT THIS YEAR WE HAVE A TIE FOR THE BOTS TROPHY
BETWEEN 2 FILLYS: ~TIGER DANCER -&- DUSTY~
THEY BOTH WON THE DAY ---> 5 TIMES
SO THEY EACH WILL GET A TROPHY OF THEIR OWN
TO BRAG ABOUT BEING 'SUPERIOR' TO THE COLTS
SOMETHING THEY JUST LOVE DOING!
COME ON, EDITH --- WE'RE OUTTA HERE NOW,
MY BEER IS GETTIN WARM AND MY DINNER'S GETTIN COLD"
'' WELL THAT SURE SHOOK UP OUR MEMORIES!
SHOWS YA HOW THINGS -&- ATTITUDES CHANGE OVER TIME
BEFORE WE PROCEED ... NOW IS A GOOD TIME FOR
~~A BRIEF INTERMISSION~~
GIVING EVERYONE A CHANCE TO STRETCH LEGS AND
PARTAKE IN SOME FINE FOOD -&- LIQUID REFRESHMENTS
FEATURING THE MEOW-MIX BUFFET
~~WE ARE BACK NOW .... SO ON WITH THE SHOW~~
OUR NEXT BIG AWARD IS: SUPURRR SATURDAY CHAMPION
DIRECT FROM SNL, PLEASE WELCOME DAN AKROYD -&- STEVE MARTIN''
''WE MAY BE 2 WILD AND CRAZY GUYS,
BUT WE DON'T MESS WITH THE FUZZ!
THAT 'FUNNY SMOKE' U SMELL
IS JUST "FLAVORED CIGARETTES!"
THE RUNNER-UP FOR THIS AWARD IS ANOTHER TIE:
~TIGER DANCER -&- REAL QUIET~ -- EACH WITH 6 VICTORY GALLOPS
BUT THE ONE TAKING HOME THE TROPHY
WITH 7 WINS: ~CATALINA~''
''... OH GUYS ... JUST ONE MORE THING
WE'LL BE CHECKING OUT THOSE 'FLAVORED CIGARETTES'
IN YOUR ROOMS ..... NOT THAT WE DON'T BELIEVE YA!
NOW ON TO OUR NEXT AWARD --> MIDWEEK MAYHEM CHAMPION
PLEASE HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE FOR NOW SO WE DON'T DISTRACT
OUR NEXT PRESENTER = CALEB "THE HUMP-DAY" CAMEL
.... THAT'LL BE A TUFF ACT TO FOLLOW FOR SURE!''
''UH-OH ~ GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS! COME ON - GUESS ....
YEH YEH YEH --- THAT'S RIGHT! HUUUUMP DAY!
NOW THAT I'VE OPENED THE ENVELOPE -- I SEE WE DO INDEED
HAVE 2 HUMPS --- AS IN = ANOTHER 'TIE'
*NEVER DID LIKE THE TERM "DEAD-HEAT" CUZ IF YOU EVER
WALKED FOR MILES IN THE BURNING DESERT -- LIKE I HAVE
THAT TERM TAKES ON A WHOLE DIFFERENT MEANING
AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY EITHER!
RUNNER-UP IS: ~BLUNNY~ WITH 5 WINS
AND ONCE AGAIN THE DYNAMIC DUO OF ~TIGER DANCER -&- DUSTY~
TAKE HOME DOUBLE TROPHIES -- HAVING WON THE MM DAYS 8 TIMES EACH
AND NOW, I'M OFF TO GO CHECK MY INSURANCE
TO BE SURE THEY DON'T CHARGE EXTRA FOR 2 HUMPS!
...''BYE CALEB ~ O YEH ....WHEN U GET COFFEE, DO THEY EVER ASK U: '1 HUMP OR 2'
JUST COULDN'T RESIST ... EVEN MRS COLUMBO QUESTIONS MY HUMOR
AS WE WAIT FOR THE CLEAN UP CREW
TO CLEAR THE STAGE OF CALEB'S ''CAMELNESS''
WE NOW WELCOME ~MR PAT SAJAC~ OF THE WHEEL-OF-FORTUNE SHOW
TO PRESENT OUR NEXT AWARD: ~CRAFTY PROSPECTOR~
THIS TROPHY REPRESENTS THE MOST MONEY EARNED ALL YEAR''
''THANK YOU, INSPECTOR
UNLIKE THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE, NO SPINNING IS NECESSARY TO
DETERMINE THE RESULTS WHICH ARE CALCULATED BY A SPECIALLY
ASSIGNED FIRM WHO KEEP THE WEEKLY TALLYS
I SEE THAT THE RESULTS ARE VERY CLOSE ....
AGAIN WITH THE SAME 2 FILLYS
IN 3rd PLACE IS: ~CATALINA~ = $1074.60
RUNNER UP: ~TIGER DANCER~ = $1209.00
THE GRAND WINNER: ~DUSTY~ = $1280.90
BE SURE NOT TO SPIN YOUR WHEELS TOO MUCH!
NOW ONTO A SPECIAL NEW AWARD THIS YEAR
IT IS CALLED: THE ''4-C AWARD''
THE CAPRICIOUS--CALCULATING--COMBO--CHAMPION!
IT IS DETERMINED BY THE COLLECTIVE TOTAL NUMBER OF WINS
IN BOTH SS AND MM RACE DAYS
HERE TO PRESENT THIS NEW AWARD ...
A VERY CAPRICIOUS -- CALCULATING DUO
WHO GO WHERE NO MAN -- OR HORSE -- HAS GONE BEFORE
PLEASE GIVE A STAR-STUDDED WELCOME TO
~CAPTAIN KIRK -&- MR SPOCK~ FROM THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE''
''THANK YOU, FOR THE WARM WELCOME
WE HAVE TRAVELLED FAR TO BE HERE FOR THIS AUSPICIOUS EVENT
AND WE FEEL HONORED TO HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO PRESENT
THIS NEW AWARD FOR THE FIRST TIME
IT'S ALMOST LIKE THE FEELING OF DISCOVERING A NEW STAR
AND AS THIS AWARD SUGGESTS ~
IT TAKES A STAR TO WIN MORE THAN ANY OTHER FOR THE YEAR!
THE ENVELOPE PLEASE:
IN 3rd PLACE:
~BLUNNY~ =====> 4 SS + 6 MM = 10
~CATALINA~ ====> 7 SS + 3 MM = 10
IN 2nd PLACE:
~DUSTY~ ======> 5 SS + 8 MM = 13
BUT THE CAPRICIOUS--CALCULATING--COMBO--CHAMPION IS:
~TIGER DANCER~ =====> 6 SS + 8 MM = 14
AS WE BID FAREWELL TO KIRK -&- SPOCK
WE NOW TURN OUR ATTENTION TO
ANOTHER 'STAR' ---> THE 'RISEN STAR' AWARD
PLEASE WELCOME SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ALL ABOUT RISING STARS
~SIMON COWELL~ OF AMERICAN IDOL -&- X FACTOR FAME''
''THANK U LIEUTENANT
THIS AWARD IS BASED UPON VARIOUS CRITERIA:
SOME YEARS IT GOES TO A GREATLY IMPROVING COLT OR FILLY
SOME YEARS FOR A MAIDEN TURNED CHAMPION IN A HEARTBEAT!
THIS YEAR OUR 2 'RISEN STARS' CAME TO OUR TRACK AS MAIDENS
ONE DID WHAT ONLY DUSTY HAD MANAGED TO ACHIEVE THIS YEAR
THE VERY ELUSIVE 3-PEAT!
AND YET THIS COLT DID EXACTLY THAT!!
CONGRATULATIONS TO ~CRUZAN~ WHO WENT 'CRUISIN' RIGHT
INTO THE RECORD BOOKS! YOU ARE INDEED A RISEN STAR!''
OUR OTHER SHINING 'RISEN STAR' TROPHY GOES TO THE
FIERCE FILLY ~THUNDER CAT~ WHOSE CREDITS INCLUDE:
5 SS WINS ~ 5 MM WINS ~ 1 BOTS WIN ~ 7 BRIDESMAID + 6 PRECIOUS
WE LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING THESE 2 STARS SHINE
EVEN MORE BRIGHTLY THIS COMING NEW SEASON''
''OUR NEXT AWARD IS THE 'AWESOME AGAIN' TROPHY
TO PRESENT THIS TROPHY, PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME
TO SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN 'AWESOME AGAIN + AGAIN + AGAIN'
~~BETTY WHITE!''~~
''OH INSPECTOR, YOU ARE TOO KIND
YES I'VE BEEN AROUND FOR A LONG LONG TIME
AND AM SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL THE APPRECIATION
PEOPLE HAVE BESTOWED UPON ME ALL THESE YEARS
MAYBE I'VE LASTED THIS LONG SIMPLY BECAUSE I LOVE WHAT I DO
BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME .... ONTO THE REASON I AM HERE
THE 'AWESOME AGAIN' AWARD
THE BASIS FOR THIS AWARD IS GENERALLY FOR
A REPEAT CHAMPIONSHIP FROM THE PREVIOUS YEAR
SUCH AS MM OR SS CHAMPION OR ANOTHER MAJOR ACHIEVEMENT
THIS YEAR THE ONLY 'REPEAT' EVENT IS FOR
~BLUNNY THE ENERGIZER BUNNY~
WHO ... THO HE DID NOT WIN MM OR SS,
HE DID MANAGE TO ONCE AGAIN
'STEAL THE PRECIOUS' .... FOR THE 3rd STRAIGHT YEAR!
THEREFORE, THIS WOULD BE A '3-PEAT' OF ANOTHER KIND!''
''TAKE CARE BETTY ... IF YOU RAN ON A RACETRACK
YOU WOULD BE OUR SHINING STAR EVERY YEAR!
MOVING AHEAD TO OUR NEXT AWARD: 'FILLY OF THE YEAR'
HERE TO PRESENT THE TROPHY IS
A STAR OF THE VIEW, ACTRESS, COMEDIAN, AUTHOR ....
OUTSPOKEN ADVOCATE OF WOMEN'S RIGHTS AND THE PURRFECT
PERSON TO PRESENT THE AWARD FOR THE OUTSTANDING FILLY
OF THE 2017 SEASON: ~MISS WHOOPIE GOLDBERG!''~
''WELCOME TO THE VIEW, YA'LL.... OH WAIT, THIS ISN'T THE VIEW!
THIS .... IS EVEN BIGGER THAN THE VIEW,
IT IS THE VIEW WE ALL HAVE OF THE BEST OF THE BEST OF THE YEAR!
AND AS A FREAKY-FINE FILLY MYSELF, I AM INDEED HONORED
TO PRESENT THE 'FILLY OF THE YEAR' AWARD
HONORABLE MENTION GOES TO ~CATALINA~
*SUPURRR SATURDAY CHAMPION
*CAIXA ELETRONICA AWARD
THIS YEAR, WE HAVE DOUBLE DUO TROPHY WINNERS!
~~TIGER DANCER~~
*DISTORTED HUMOR X 4
*GOLDEN GOOSE EGG CHAMP
*BOTS CHAMPION
*CAPRICIOUS CALCULATING COMBO CHAMPION (4-C)
*2nd: MM
*2nd: CRAFTY PROSPECTOR
~~DUSTY~~
*MM CHAMPION
*CRAFTY PROSPECTOR AWARD
*2nd: BOTS
*2nd: 4-C CHAMPION
THERE WAS NO WAY TO SEPARATE THESE 2 OUTSTANDING
FAB-FILLYS AS EACH EARNED THEIR SHARE OF GLORY!''
''OUR NEXT AWARD IS THE MALE COUNTERPART: 'COLT OF THE YEAR'
PLEASE GIVE A WARM 'WHINNY-WHINNY' WELCOME
TO OUR OWN TALKING HORSE ~MR ED''~
''HAY HAY HAY - COLUMBO ....
I BROUGHT SOME OATS -&- BRAN JUST FOR YOU
NOT TO SUGGEST THAT AT YOUR AGE, YOU NEED BRAN?
I REALLY WANTED TO PRESENT THE AWARD FOR THOSE
FINE FRISKY FILLYS, BUT I WAS VOTED DOWN FOR THAT
WHEN THEY CHOSE WHOOPIE INSTEAD!
SO BEING SUCH A CHARISMATIC CHARMING COLT MYSELF
I GUESS I HAD TO BE THE PERFECT PRESENTER FOR THIS AWARD!
HONORABLE MENTION: RUNNER UP IS: ~CRUZAN~
WHO ALTHOUGH ENTERING THE TRACK FAIRLY LATE IN THE SEASON,
DID STACK UP SOME MAJOR CREDITS
*** 3-PEAT ~ RISEN STAR AWARD ~ 4 MM ~ 2 BOTS
OUR COLT OF THE YEAR WILL BE: ~THE 'ENERGIZER-BLUNNY!'~
*THE PRECIOUS (3rd Year)
*BRIDESMAID OF THE YEAR
*4 SS ~ 6 MM ~ 3 BOTS
THIS CHARISMATIC COLT CAME TO THE STARTING GATE
EACH AND EVERY TIME .... WITH HIS
'BATTERIES' FULLY CHARGED AND READY TO RUN!'''
"OK MR ED .... OFF YA GO BACK TO ENTERTAINING THOSE FILLYS!
****** ****** ****** ****** ******
**2017 MEOW MIX AWARDS -- PART 2**
---> NOW POSTED <---
HOPE YA'LL ENJOY 
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