**GOOD EVENING + WELCOME TO THE 2014 MEOW-MIX AWARDS**
COMING TO YOU DIRECT FROM ....
OUR MISTRESS OF CEREMONIES THIS YEAR WILL BE ---> MISS PIGGY
SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU HERE SHE IS
"YES INDEED -- HERE I AM IN ALL MY GLORY ... READY TO THRILL YOU ALL"
BEFORE WE BEGIN THE AWARDS PRESENTATIONS
PLEASE WELCOME THE SHINING STARS OF 2014
WITH A PROUD DISPLAY OF GLITZ -- GLAM --- BLING
(AND THAT AIN'T JUST TIGER DANCER)
LED BY THE REIGNING HOTY ---> CRIMINAL TYPE
CRIMINAL TYPE
TIGER DANCER
CIGARSHOP
RUFFIAN
DUSTY
BLUNNY
CATALINA
GOTADUN-QH
JOHN HENRY
PEEPTOAD
REAL QUIET
TY88
RAVEN
EL PRADO
OUR FRACTURED FRACTIOUS FAIRY TALE AWARDS BEGIN WITH
THE DISTORTED HUMOR AWARD
AND HERE TO PRESENT THAT TROPHY IS
THE KING OF DISTORTED HUMOR ====> BUGS BUNNY
" WHAAAAAAAAAAATS UP DOC? "
WHO BETTER THAN I TO ANNOUNCE THE NOMINEES
FOR THE ODDEST AWARD OF THE EVENING
AND THE NOMINEES ARE:
BLUNNY --- FOR HIS CLEVER RACE CALLS
CIGARSHOP --- FOR HIS TRULY DISTORTED HUMOR
TIGER DANCER --- (DC -- 2013) FOR HER GRAPHICATING WIT
AND THIS YEAR WE ARE PROUD TO ANNOUNCE
WE HAVE A REPEAT WINNER IN ---> TIGER DANCER
WHOSE GRAPHICS + TWISTED WIT
KEEP US ENTERTAINED AND GRINNING ALL YEAR LONG
OUR NEXT AWARD IS -- THE 'MOST IMPROVED' TROPHY
AND HERE TO PRESENT THAT IS
THE LITTLE WOODEN TOY WHO TURNED INTO A REAL LIFE BOY: PINNOCHIO
THIS SEASON WE HAD SEVERAL NOMINEES WHO GREATLY IMPROVED
AND SINCE EACH DID SO IN DIFFERENT WAYS ITS A UNANIMOUS VOTE THAT
IT'S A DEAD HEAT FOR THE WIN!!
BLUNNY = WON ALL 9 OF 9 RACES ON A SINGLE DAY
JOHN HENRY = WON THAT ELUSIVE 3-PEAT
CATALINA = BROKE THE EXISTING TRACK RECORD
HELD FOR YEARS BY CRIMINAL TYPE
THE NEXT AWARD IS -- THE RISEN STAR --
PRESENTED BY: CINDERELLA
WHO ROSE FROM THE FIREPLACE ASHES ... TO BE A PRINCESS
IRONICALLY THE NOMINEES ARE THE SAME AS FOR MOST IMPROVED
BLUNNY / JOHN HENRY / CATALINA
BUT BASED ON ADDITIONAL ACHIEVEMENTS, THE WINNER IS: CATALINA
OUR NEXT AWARD IS -- THE 'LOST IN THE FOG'
PRESENTED BY: NONE OTHER THAN --> THE NEAR SIGHTED MR MAGOO
THE CRITERIA FOR THIS AWARD ARE VERY DIVERSE AND SO THIS SEASON
THE VOTE WAS DIVIDED FOR DIFFERENT REASONS:
RUFFIAN + CRIMINAL TYPE
BOTH WON THE GOLDEN GOOSE EGG TROPHY
FOR A ZERO $$$ IN AN ENTIRE DAY
TIGER DANCER WON A DAY WITH THE LOWEST $$$ OF THE YEAR: $41.60
THE NEXT AWARD IS -- THE 'CAT HOUSE' TROPHY --
PRESENTED BY: GRUMPY CAT
THIS AWARD IS GIVEN TO THE FILLY WHO FINISHES LAST MORE THAN ANYONE
RUNNER UP THIS SEASON WAS -- DUSTY -- WITH 13
BUT THE RUNAWAY FELINE FILLY -- WITH 23 -- INCLUDING THE GOLDEN GOOSE EGG
IS RUFFIAN ... WITH A FINE SET OF TWISTED WHISKERS!
THE COLT EQUIVALENT AWARD IS -- THE DOG HOUSE AWARD
PRESENTED BY ---> DROOPY DOG
AND ONCE AGAIN WE HAVE A REPEAT WINNER FROM LAST YEAR
CRIMINAL TYPE .... HELD THE KEY TO THE DOG HOUSE FOR 22 TIMES
INCLUDING THE GOLDEN GOOSE EGG TROPHY
HERE TO PRESENT OUR NEXT AWARD -- THE GOLLUM TROPHY
IS ---> FRODO BAGGINS ... WHO HITCHED A RIDE WITH GANDALF
ALL THE WAY FROM THE SHIRE
"THE PRECIOUS" IS WON BY THE PERSON FINISHING 4th
MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE AND THUS IS THE 'RING BEARER'
THERE IS A TIE FOR RUNNER UP:
RUFFIAN + CIGARSHOP BOTH HAVING WON 12
IT WAS QUITE THE GAME OF KEEP-AWAY THIS YEAR.
THERE WERE ALL THE USUAL SUSPECTS.....
BUT THE ULTIMATE "THIEF"
AND THE AWARD WINNER WITH 13 IS ===> TIGER DANCER
FINISHING 4TH IS GOOD ....
BUT EVEN BETTER IS FINISHING 2nd MORE THAN OTHERS
HERE TO PRESENT -- THE 'BRIDESMAID OF THE YEAR' AWARD
ARE CINDERELLA'S TWO STEP SISTERS
WHO NEVER COULD MANAGE TO BE IN FIRST PLACE
AGAIN WE HAVE A TIE FOR THE RUNNER UP BRIDESMAID AWARD:
CATALINA + DUSTY --- EACH HAVE 13
BUT THE CLEAR WINNER IS ==== > TIGER DANCER -- WITH 16
OUR NEXT AWARD IS OFTEN ALSO CALLED -- THE HEARTBREAKER TROPHY
IT IS -- THE FROSTED WHISKER TROPHY -- AWARDED
TO ALL WHO ATTEMPT TO WIN A 3-PEAT ----- YET FAIL TO DO SO
PRESENTING THE -- FROSTED WHISKER -- WINNERS IS
THE MASTER OF ALL FROSTED WHISKERS ---
NONE OTHER THAN SANTA CLAUS
SEVERAL HAD THEIR HEART BROKEN THIS YEAR
WITH 2 FROSTED WHISKERS:
TIGER DANCER / CRIMINAL TYPE / PEEPTOAD
WITH ONE FROSTED WHISKER:
DUSTY / CATALINA / JOHN HENRY / REAL QUIET
JUST ARRIVING ON THE GREYHOUND BUS TO PRESENT THE NEXT AWARD
THE 'CAIXA ELETRONICA' TROPHY --- FOR THE MOST $$$ WON IN A DAY
IS ---> MR BURNS DIRECT FROM THE SIMPSONS
WHO KNOWS A BIT ABOUT HOARDING MONEY!
THIS SEASON WE SAW A 4-YEAR TRACK RECORD BROKEN
THAT WAS HELD BY: CRIMINAL TYPE ...
WITH A RETURN OF $244 FOR A SINGLE DAY EFFORT
AND THE WINNER OF THE CAIXA ELETRONICA AWARD IS:
CATALINA ... WHO EARNED $293.40 ON JANUARY 22nd 2014
HERE TO PRESENT THE CRAFTY PROSPECTOR AWARD
FOR THE MOST $$$ EARNED IN THE YEAR IS ===> RUMPLESTILTSKIN WHO IS THE EXPERT ON HOARDING AWAY TONS O GOLD
THE RUNNER UP THIS YEAR IS: CIGARSHOP --- EARNING $1279
AND THE WINNER OF THE CRAFTY PROSPECTOR AWARD FOR 2014
IS THE 2013 REPEAT WINNER ====> CRIMINAL TYPE = $1383.30
OUR NEXT AWARD IS -- THE MIDWEEK MAYHEM TROPHY
PRESENTED BY ---> SYLVESTER + TWEETY BIRD
WHO ALWAYS MANAGE TO MAKE FEATHERS FLY
IN THE RUNNER UP SPOT IS: BLUNNY -- WITH 7 VICTORIES
THERE WAS A TIE FOR THE WIN -- BETWEEN TIGER DANCER + CIGARSHOP
EACH HAVING WON 9
PER THE AWARDS RULES: THE TIE BREAKER IS DETERMINED BY -- $$$ --
BASED ON THAT FACTOR THE TOTALS ARE:
CIGARSHOP WITH $823.30 + TIGER DANCER WITH $672.90
SO THEREFORE OUR 2014 MIDWEEK MAYHEM WINNER = CIGARSHOP
HERE TO PRESENT -- THE SUPURRR~SATURDAY AWARD
IS NONE OTHER THAN -- SUPERMAN HIMSELF
--- FLYING IN FROM THE CLOUDS TO PRESENT THIS TROPHY
THE RUNNER UP FOR THIS AWARD -- WITH 8 WINS IS ==> PEEPTOAD
AND THE GRAND WINNER OF THE SS TROPHY -- WITH 9 VICTORY GALLOPS:
======= CRIMINAL TYPE -- EARNING $835.70 =======
OUR NEXT AWARD IS -- THE BOTS TROPHY
THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES -aka- FILLIES VS COLTS
AND WHO BETTER TO PRESENT THIS AWARD OF GENDER EXCELLENCE
BUT MISS PIGGY + KERMIT THE FROG
SO COME ON OUT KERMIE AND HELP ME TELL THE FOLKS WHICH GENDER
PROVED TO BE SUPREME --- THO OF COURSE I KNOW WHO IT REALLY IS!
THE RUNNER UPS FOR THIS AWARD -- EACH HAVING WON 4 -- ARE:
CATALINA ----- DUSTY ----- BLUNNY (The Lone Colt)
BUT SHOWING HER DETERMINATION ---
CLAWING HER WAY AS SHE ROARED TO THE FINISH LINE 5 TIMES
WAS THE CHEETAH -aka- ==> RUFFIAN
**SO THE 2014 BOTS TROPHY -- GOES TO -- THE FILLIES**
WE NOW ARE COMING DOWN TO THE TOP HONORS OF THE YEAR....
THE FILLY OF THE YEAR AWARD
WILL BE PRESENTED BY ---> WONDER WOMAN
IN THE SHOW SPOT FOR THIS TROPHY IS: RUFFIAN = BOTS CHAMPION
IN 2nd PLACE IS: TIGER DANCER WINNING:
BRIDESMAID OF THE YEAR / GOLLUM TROPHY / 2 FROSTED WHISKERS
DISTORTED HUMOR AWARD + RUNNER UP FOR MIDWEEK MAYHEM CHAMPION
BUT THE WINNINGEST FILLY OF 2014 IS ==> CATALINA
* CAIXA ELETRONICA AWARD --- NEW TRACK RECORD --- FROSTED WHISKER
HERE TO PRESENT -- THE COLT OF THE YEAR AWARD
IS THE CHAMPION OF THE PEOPLE
NOT JUST ON SATURDAYS, BUT EVERY DAY = ROBIN HOOD
TIED FOR RUNNER UP COLT OF THE YEAR ARE:
CIGARSHOP = MIDWEEK MAYHEM CHAMPION
JOHN HENRY = 3 PEAT / FROSTED WHISKER
BUT ONCE AGAIN, LEADING THE WAY FOR THE COLTS AS REPEAT WINNER IS:
---> CRIMINAL TYPE <---
* SUPURRR SATURDAY CHAMPION
* CRAFTY PROSPECTOR AWARD
* AND 2 FROSTED WHISKERS
THE NEXT AWARD IS -- THE AWESOME AGAIN TROPHY
WHO BETTER TO PRESENT
THAN MOI ~ MISS PIGGY ~
WHO IS ALWAYS AWESOME AGAIN + AGAIN!
IT'S PROBABLY KINDA OBVIOUS WHO WINS THIS TROPHY
THAT HONORS THOSE WHO REPEAT THEIR PREVIOUS
AWARDS AND / OR HONORS THE NEXT SEASON
**REPEATING IN 2014 WITH
THE COLT OF THE YEAR AWARD + CRAFTY PROSPECTOR
===== CRIMINAL TYPE =====
TO PRESENT THE AWARD FOR RACE OF THE YEAR ...
IS THE ONE WHO SPARKLES IN EVERY RACE .... BEEEEPE BEEEEEP BEEEEEEP
HERE IS THE ROAD RUNNER
THERE WAS SUCH A KERFUFFLE AMONG THE VOTERS FOR THIS AWARD
THAT THE ONLY FAIR THING TO DO WAS DECLARE A 3-WAY TIE!
EACH IS DESERVING OF THE TITLE FOR DIFFERENT REASONS
SO HERE ARE THE 2014 RACE OF THE YEAR WINNERS:
CATALINA = NEW TRACK RECORD = $293.40
JOHN HENRY = ONLY 3 PEAT OF THE YEAR
BLUNNY -- WHO DID SOMETHING NOBODY ELSE EVER HAS
====> WIN ALL RACES IN A DAY
AND NOW FOLKS ... THE MOMENT THAT HIGHLIGHTS THE EVENING
THE TROPHY THAT REWARDS THE HIGHEST ACHIEVEMENTS OF THE YEAR
HERE TO PRESENT -- THE HOTY TROPHY --
ARE SECRETARIAT + ZENYATTA
===> THE RUNNER UP FOR HORSE OF THE YEAR <===
****** TIGER DANCER ******
* BRIDESMAID OF THE YEAR
* GOLLUM AWARD
* 2 FROSTED WHISKERS
* DISTORTED HUMOR AWARD REPEAT
*RUNNER UP FOR: FILLY OF THE YEAR + MM CHAMPION
YOU MAY BE WONDERING WHY THERE ARE 2 PRESENTERS FOR ONE AWARD?
THE REASON IS THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OUR HISTORY ----
WE HAVE A TIE FOR THE HIGHEST AWARD HONOR!
YES INDEED!
NOT JUST ONE --- BUT TWO -- WHOSE ACHIEVEMENTS WERE EACH
MORE THAN WORTHY OF THE HIGHEST HONOR OF THE YEAR
SHARING THE HORSE OF THE YEAR TITLE FOR 2014 ARE:
---> CRIMINAL TYPE + CATALINA <---
CONGRATS TO YOU BOTH FOR BRINGING YOUR COURAGE,
DETERMINATION AND WILL TO WIN
TO THE TRACK EACH WEEK & TRULY EARNING THIS AWARD
*********************************************************
WE NOW BID YOU A GOOD EVENING FROM THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH
WHERE WE JUST CROWNED THE HAPPIEST WINNERS OF 2014
HAVE A SAFE, SOBER, NON TEXTING DRIVE HOME UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN
*************************************************************
**Sorry this took me so long to complete.
Life is total chaos and upside down right now.
I hope to be back in Full Force in a couple months.....
THE SHOW WILL GO ON THIS WEEK
