GOOD AFTERNOON FROM KEENELAND RACE TRACK WHERE THE
EXCITEMENT AND ADRENALIN ARE RUNNING ON HIGH
OUR FEATURE EVENT TODAY IS: THE SPOOKTACULAR STAKES
PRESENTED BY: GHOULS + GOBLINS + KEENELAND CARROT COMPANY
FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT WE OFFER SOMETHING DIFFERENT TODAY
YOU ALWAYS WATCH HORSES RUN.....
YOU MAY HAVE SEEN CAMEL --- LLAMA --- DOGS --- RACE
EVEN TURTLES RACE, THO THAT'S NOT QUITE AS EXCITING
AND REQUIRES A VERY SLOW -- PATIENT MIND TO APPRECIATE
SO NOW WHY NOT TRY SOMETHING ELSE
TODAY WE OFFER A UNIQUE EXPERIENCE THAT WILL LIVE IN YOUR MEMORY
AND PERHAPS, FOR SOME, EVEN IN YOUR NIGHTMARES
DO NOT BE FRIGHTENED OR ALARMED WHEN THE FIELD ENTERS THE TRACK
HIGH SECURITY IS IN PLACE TO PREVENT HARM
TO ANY RUNNERS OR VISITORS IN THE STANDS
KEENELAND MOUNTED POLICE PRESENT
UNFORTUNATELY DUE TO VARIOUS SITUATIONS
WE HAVE HAD SEVERAL LATE SCRATCHES
LEAVING JUST A FIELD OF TEN
THE POST PARADE HAS NOW BEGUN
SO JOIN US FOR ALL THE FREAKY FUN
LEADING THE FIELD OUT ONTO THE TRACK....
BAST - THE EGYPTIAN CAT GODDESS - (Ruffian)
MR MET - OF THE NY METS - (Cigarshop)
THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN - (John Henry)
YOSEMITE SAM - (Blunny)
THE PINK PANTHER - (Peeptoad)
JESSE JAMES - (Criminal Type)
PRINCESS FIONA - {SHREK'S LOVE} - (Catalina)
JONNY QUEST - (Post Time Mike / DC / Runs For 3-Peat)
THE WITCH WITH MAGIC BROOM + CAT - (Dusty)
KHALEESI: GAME OF THRONES - (Tiger Dancer)
DAENERYS ~ STORMBORN ~ OF HOUSE TARGARYEN
"MOTHER OF DRAGONS"
AKA => KHALEESI -- QUEEN OF THE DOTHRAKI -- HORSE PEOPLE
THE FIELD HAS REACHED THE STARTING GATE
WITH FEW INCIDENTS OF DISRUPTION
EXCEPT FOR THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN TRYING TO
KEEP HIS MOUNT IN A STRAIGHT LINE BEHIND THE OTHERS
THIS MAY EVEN PROVE TO BE TROUBLE ON THE TRACK!
ALTHOUGH HORSES BEING A HERD SPECIES GENERALLY FOLLOW OTHERS
EVERYONE IS IN THEIR GATE EXCEPT FOR JESSE JAMES WHO HAS
HAD HIS SIDEARMS TAKEN AWAY AND BEING FURIOUS ABOUT THIS
IS BEING A VERY NAUGHTY BOY
THE STEWARDS HAVE EXPLAINED TO HIM THE DANGER INVOLVED
IN RUNNING WITH LOADED GUNS AND TO PREVENT ACCIDENTS OR
HARM TO ANYONE THIS WAS A NECESSARY PRECAUTION
NOW HE HAS ACCEPTED THAT EXPLANATION, THO BEGRUDGINGLY
AND HAS ENTERED THE GATE
WE NOW TURN YOU OVER TO OUR GUEST TRACK ANNOUNCER: COUNT DRACULA
"THANK YOU FOR THE DARK SUNGLASSES
THIS SUNLIGHT IS KILLING ME -- HA HA HA ...... AS IF... "
AND..... THEY'RE OFF IN THE SUPURRR SPOOKTACULAR STAKES
TAKING A SHORT LEAD IS PRINCESS FIONA FOLLOWED CLOSELY
BY A TRIO OF MR MET --- YOSEMITE SAM --- + THE PINK PANTHER
IT'S MANY LENGTHS BACK TO THE REST OF THE FIELD
NONE OF WHOM SEEM TO BE IN A HURRY YET...
OUT OF THE TURN THEY COME AS PRINCESS FIONA
HAS TAKEN COMMAND OF THE RACE WITH A HUGE LEAD
IT IS GONNA TAKE PEGASUS TO TRY AND CATCH HER BUT NONE WERE
ENTERED TODAY AS THE TRACK SUPERINTENDENT DECLARED IT UNFAIR
THE RACE IS FOR RUNNING --- NOT FLYING!
THE PINK PANTHER IS GOBBLING UP GROUND WITH INCREDIBLE SPEED
AND NOW HAS MOVED WITHIN 3 LENGTHS OF PRINCESS FIONA WHO IS
SHOWING NO SIGNS OF TIRING AS HER INNER OGRE HAS TAKEN COMMAND
KHALEESI NOW HAS SUDDENLY MADE A BOLD MOVE AS HER DRAGON
ESSENCE HAS FIRED HER UP WITH INCENTIVE TO RUN FASTER
IT'S A VERY LONG WAY BACK TO YOSEMITE SAM AND BAST
WHO SEEM TO BE HAVING A DISCUSSION ABOUT SOMETHING
THO WE MAY NEVER KNOW WHAT?
EARLIER, IN THE PADDOCK, BAST THE EGYPTIAN CAT GODDESS WAS
OVERHEARD MUTTERING SOMETHING ABOUT THE PHAROAH
BUT WE COULD NOT HEAR ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND
SO PERHAPS THAT IS WHAT SHE WAS SHARING WITH YOSEMITE SAM
WHO SEEMED BORED + UNINTERESTED IN THE TOPIC
THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN IS ALL OVER THE TRACK AS HIS STEED
SEEMS TO BE HAVING AN ISSUE WITH WHAT HE SEES AROUND HIM
AND THE FEAR ALONE IS CAUSING VERY ERRATIC BEHAVIOUR ...
LEAVING THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN IN THE DARK .......... AS USUAL
IT'S ANOTHER FEW LENGTHS BACK TO THE WITCH
WHO SEEMS TO BE TRYING TO WORK A MAGICK SPELL ON JONNY QUEST
TO GET HIM TO SLOW DOWN ---- SO FAR IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING
BEHIND THE WITCH + JONNY QUEST IS MR MET WHO SOMEHOW
MANAGED TO DROP HIS BALLS AND HAS BEGUN TO WANDER ALL
OVER TRYING TO RETRIEVE THEM -- LOSING FOCUS ON RUNNING!
AND WAY FAR BACK IS JESSE JAMES WHO BEGAN THE RACE VERY
DISGRUNTLED OVER HAVING HIS GUNS TAKEN AWAY THAT HIS
FUMING + FUSSING HAS CAUSED HIM TO "COP" AN ATTITUDE
LEAVING HIM FAR BEHIND THE REST OF THE RUNNERS
AND DOWN THE STRETCH HERE THEY COME...
PRINCESS FIONA WITH A MONSTER LEAD (NO OFFENSE INTENDED)
SUDDENLY CAUGHT SIGHT OF SHREK IN THE STANDS WAVING HER ON
THIS INCITED A SURGE OF POWER THAT WAS SO HUGE....
HER OGRE WITHIN ALMOST EMERGED ----
BUT WAS RESTRAINED BY HER INTENSE WILL TO WIN
THE PINK PANTHER INSTEAD OF BEING SNEAKY + STEALTHY TODAY
DECIDED TO RUN LIKE THE PANTHER SHOULD --- FAST!
MEANWHILE BEHIND THE FRONT RUNNING DUO
--- KHALEESI AND YOSEMITE SAM STILL ENGAGED IN BUMPING + QUARRELING
ARE NOT GAINING MUCH GROUND ON THE LEADERS
BAST WAS ALMOST KNOCKED SIDEWAYS INTO TOMORROW LAND BY
THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN WHO HAS NO CLUE WHERE HE IS ....
THE WITCH HAS BEGUILED JONNY QUEST WHO SEEMS TO BE ENAMORED
BY HER --- ALMOST MESMERIZED INTO SNAIL MODE --- STAYING RIGHT
ALONG SIDE OF HER ... INSTEAD OF MOVING AHEAD
AND WAY FAR BACK... POOR SAD MR MET STILL TRYING TO FIND HIS LOST BALLS
HAS NOT GAINED ANY GROUND NOR SHOWING ANY SIGN OF RUNNING
JESSE JAMES SO FAR BACK HE MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR THE OK CORRAL
INSTEAD OF THE FINISH LINE!
AS THE WIRE LOOMS JUST AHEAD ---
PRINCESS FIONA WITH YET ANOTHER POWER SURGE HAS LEFT THE
REST IN HER MIGHTY WAKE ... LEAVING NO DOUBT AT ALL THAT
THE PINK PANTHER'S FANCY DANCE SPEED ATTEMPT WILL HAVE NO
EFFECT ON THE OUTCOME
THE PINK PANTHER WITH ALL GUSTO / ATTITUDE AND SPEED WILL
FINISH 2nd WITH KHALEESI TRYING TO KEEP HER DRAGONS
IN CHECK, WILL OWN THE SHOW SPOT
YOSEMITE SAM FINALLY SHOOK FREE OF BAST + HER CAT GODDESS MAGICK
TO FINISH JUST A RED WHISKER BEHIND THE FRONT RUNNING TRIO
$$-OFFICIAL ORDER OF FINISH-$$
AFTER ALL OBJECTIONS WERE DENIED
AND YES THERE WERE SO MANY THAT THE STEWARDS WERE LAST SEEN
RUNNING IN FEAR OF THEIR LIVES INTO A HIDDEN SANCTUARY
PREPARED FOR JUST SUCH AN INCIDENT
1st ~ PRINCESS FIONA ========= $168.50
WITH A DYNAMIC VICTORY CAUSING SHREK TO DASH
OUT ONTO THE FIELD TO SCOOP UP HIS LOVE ..
SCARING SOME WHO WERE STANDING IN THE WINNER'S CIRCLE
~WINNER / BELLE OF THE BC BALL~2nd ~ THE PINK PANTHER ========== $69.00
A VALIANT EFFORT OF FELINE FRENZY BASED SPEED
BUT NOT ENOUGH TO EVEN GET CLOSE TO THE WINNER
3rd ~ KHALEESI =================== $51.70
HER STRUGGLE WITH HER DRAGONS TRYING TO ESCAPE MIGHT BE
WHAT CAUSED HER TO NOT RUN AS FAST AS SHE MIGHT HAVE
4th ~ YOSEMITE SAM =============== $5O.70
ALMOST CAUGHT KHALEESI TILL HE SAW WHAT LOOKED LIKE A PIECE
OF DRAGON WING STICKING OUT OF HER CLOTHING....
WHICH IN HIS MIND WAS ENOUGH REASON TO KEEP HIS DISTANCE THO NOT MUCH
***ALSO RAN***
BAST ====================== $46.00
COULD STILL BE HEARD MUTTERING SOMETHING ABOUT THE PHAROAH
BUT IN GODDESS-SPEAK .... SO NOBODY CAN QUITE UNDERSTAND HER
THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN ======== $42.60
THE SOURCE OF MANY OBJECTIONS AND VALID AS WELL
BUT DISCOUNTED BY THE STEWARDS
THE HORSE KNEW WHERE TO RUN BUT SADLY HIS JOCKEY DID NOT
THE WITCH ======-========== $33.40
EXHAUSTED SO MUCH ENERGY ON HER SPELLS THAT SHE EVEN
CAUSED HER CAT TO FLY OFF THE BROOM AND RUN ON HIS OWN!
JONNY QUEST ============== $32.80
BECAME SO MESMERIZED BY THE WITCH'S SPELL THAT
HE LOST TOTAL FOCUS ON RUNNING AND REMAINED CONTENTED
TO JUST TAG ALONG BESIDE HER BROOM
MR MET ================= $27.40
WAS SO PRE-OCCUPIED FROM THE START
THEN LOSING HIS BALLS AT THE HALFWAY MARK
EXERTED MORE EFFORT IN FINDING THEM THAN RUNNING
JESSE JAMES ============ $0
TRIED TO ROB A BANK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RACE
BUT NEVER NOTICED THE BIG RED CROSS OVER THE ENTRANCE!
YES FOLKS ....... JESSE JAMES TRIED TO ROB A BLOOD BANK
(WHERE MANY OF MY RELATIVES VISIT TO MAKE A VALID WITHDRAWAL)
THO THE BLOOD BANK FELT SOME SYMPATHY FOR POOR JESSE ~
(ALONG WITH HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)
THEY GAVE HIM A -GOLDEN GOOSE EGG- FOR ALL HIS EFFORTS
WE NOW BID YOU ALL A GOOD EVENING FROM KEENELAND RACE TRACK
MY EYES ARE KILLING ME FROM THE SUNLIGHT PLUS MY RESTRAINT
TO KEEP MY TEETH FIRMLY PLANTED IN MY MOUTH AND NOT A NECK
NOW WELCOMES THE APPROACHING DUSK AND SHADOW WITH RELIEF
I NOW WILL HEAD BACK TO MY BELOVED TRANSYLVANIA
FOR SOME MUCH NEEDED "RED WINE" DELIGHT
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